Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Tiring day

I never knew that running around for consistently does drain you mentally and physically and last weekend I was draining myself with chores at home as well outside. Plus with the bad traffic jam yesterday making it worst for me. But I know somehow I can manage this and I am going to manage all these stressed towards end of the month/year excellently.

My beloved B was admitted to hospital due to his knees, he fell in front of the house because of slippery floor at home and his operation was done on Monday, yesterday after a bloody hectic at office, I went and pick him up and stuck almost 2 hours at traffic jam with a boyfriend who don't talk much.

Have you ever come to situation where you feel so damn tired and hungry and exhausted and you feel like crying? I did yesterday after bathed B, I come down to eat but somehow my food seems tasteless and I couldn't move to grab my spoon because my legs are so damn tired. Now I know it is no easy to take care sick people, and I know one day I will be so damn sick and I will need someone to look after me.

The truth is I don't want to be sick and I dont want anyone to take care of me and I being such a baby over this. I know how other people felt and how long would there can hold on to me, after a while they going to feel sick of me and tehy going to leave. I will ensure that my condition will be great as long as I lived because being sick is not an option for me. Therefore I am going back to see my doctor and start my medication, I have too so things can be good for me and people who being with me.

I am afraid to trouble others, I am worried if one day I couldn't get off the bed, who can I ask for help... i wish that day never come and if it did appear one day, I want someone to pull the plug out because all my life living fighting, the day I cant fight anymore.. I dont want to live.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Mental Bondage

I have been told about a book that reveals the truth with title: Mental Bondage in the name of God. When I read the title I was amazed by it.

Mental Bondage have lots of meaning,.. It depends how we look at it, some people might find the title of it too revealing without even know the content of the book. Some people might find this book is so refreshing.Sometimes as a human we tend to have mental block, we either refused to know the truth or we are afraid of the truth.

For those who dare to know the truth checkout these blog and please read it as an open mind, I find it suitable for 2 kind of people for those who's looking for an answer or for those who believe what they been taught to belief:-

Monday, December 7, 2009

hohoho xmas coming..

Christmas coming soon this year, I have done decorating my xmas tree my 2 dogs, my daughter, and myself of course..

Of course this christmas I remember those who have left us to meet their creator, my good friend among one of them. I still vividly remember when we send him to gateway to another side, it was such a lovely day, I pass by the cemetery at Klang, I thought I saw an angel with big huge wings looking down at us, I know some people did tell me it could be my mind playing tricks but either its a trick or real, this angel look so beautiful and so peace at the same time. So many people attending his funeral, malay, chinese, Indian and all race was there. We all sang him his favorite song if tomorrow never come and it makes me wonder about death and our departure when the times come..

am I afraid of death?.. of course.. we all do because we had no idea what is waiting us the other side of the journey but for now I will try my level best to enjoy my life, to enjoy people around me.

Yesterday my daughter went for christmas shopping for orphanage kids, we were so happy to pick up all the present for them and in fact I bought twister game and when we reach at home after visiting my Godfather we start played the game. my daughter and I have a good laugh twisting our legs and hands and we giggle all nite. It was fun and it was an tiring of course with muscle cramp on my hands and legs..

At this moment, I am glad to not being sick, to not worries and stress of work.. I am glad to have support from my girl .. because she all I ever have. 16 years being leaving on my own, one day I hope I will have my own family, many children doesnt matter if is mine or not, decorating xmas tree and running around with big huge dogs... for that I would like to Thank God for all his gift and all his bless to me.. Thank you very much God....