2010

November will be end soon... and December will appear in my life then the whole 2010 will end and I will be introduce to 2011.. A year that seems promising than any other year.

I can't wait for 2011 to come and pop up in my life. I want 2011 to be more adventures, to be more romance, to be more spontaneous than any other year, I want to gather the "profit" of my "investment" and I want it to be different.

To some of my friends, I know I have to let them go, because I need new friends and to meet new people in my life. I want to quit "Hoarder" this kind of people in my life, some of them has done something so good to me and some of them has forgotten me. To those who make so much difference in my life now I will keep our friendship forever, to those who often "neglected" the friendship that I sow, I am sorry its time to reap it now and to start new.

I have learned many tremendous value about friendship and "companionship", I also have learn a lot about motherhood in my life. It is true nothing come easy in life, and the most difficult the life is the better for us in the future. I am starting my present now. and I wont even plan my life way ahead because no one will knew what would ever happen even 6 months down the road.

2010, I hope you will end faster than I expected you to be.....I really want you out of my life for good and never "DARE" to show yourself ever again. Because I had enough of your shit....

Goodbye November

Today is the 29th November...

I have many sweet, bitter, sour memories of November,to the memories that I had for a bitter, I want to forget about it completely, to the memories that sweet I want to keep it and store it in my mind as long as I can, to the memories that sour, I do want to learn from it and be a better person...To the most of it ... I believe it will make me a better friend, a better mother, a better girlfriend, a better wife and a better in many things as well..

I have learned to accept and I have learn to adapt... two most important essence in life in order to be better. I also have learn to grow UP... to use my brain most of the time either morning, afternoon or evening.

I read through everything I have written before and I realize sometimes I get too emotional over certain things, sometimes I get to passionates over certain issues. I have to learn to let go... I have too.. if not I will live in grieve for the rest of my life...

So today... I am letting go everything for the month of November. November take up too much "space"...

I need more space to gather more memories.
...
Goodbye November... I know I will see you again but I promise it will be different the next time we meet....

life is something that happens when you cant get to sleep

Off late i feel like every time I close my eyes I feel as if so many things worries me, I feel as if I am 21 again, that I have to start struggle my life all the time, I feel as if my life is coming to the end..

Am I dreaming? or is it my life has come to the end of road? What is life beneath us? What is our purpose of life struggling and trying to live in this world?

Those are the question I seem cant find the answer... I wish one day I will know..I wish I will know it before my time comes to the end..

I remember watching SWEET NOVEMBER and how wonderful life is if you can just maintain the beautiful memories of LOVE just as it is....

I lost the feeling of LOVE, I am afraid I cant love anyone anymore... I am so afraid and fear of LOVE... Should I give up on it just because I have tried many many times and my heart seems like been broken to piece in thousand times...

I don't know the answer for now.. But I hope when LOVE come and find me, it will a wonderful love, not a painful one....

SURPRISE.

My title of this blog is life is full of surprise, now let me explain I do know this phrase often been mention around me but never I thoughts that i will live through this phrase of word ever..

And seriously. I can't wait to know what will be next..

I live a life as a fighter, and I will fight harder and harder every year.People often ask me, do I have so much courage and strength, my answer will be NOT at ALL... but the strength I get was my daughter, for her I fight harder, for her I strike harder, for her I PROMISE to give her a family she never had, to give her a father she never has, for her I strike and I will fight harder. WITHOUT HER I AM GONE. WITHOUT HER MY STRENGTH IS EMPTY, WITHOUT HER I AM NO ONE.

May God give me strength to fight and courage to survive because I know my life will be full of suprise.....

life as it is..

I remember my 31st Bday, when I decided to make a big decision, my decision was based on what I really feel.

Today 27th November 2010, I woke up early morning, realizing I made a big decision to walk out of a Big comfortable life, a comfortable love because I want to build it all over again. Am I afraid? YES I am very afraid, AM i regretting what I did, NO... NOT AT ALL.

You may not always end up where u thought you were going but you will always end up where you were meant to be... This is so true. I know few years down the road I will looked back and realize how far my journey.

This month of November is so challenging after broke up with my 4 years boyfriend, to car accident to losing my home, and my family that I build for 4 years, I feel as if I want to give up, I feel as I had no one around me, I wondering if this what God want my life to be, for the past 21 years, it has been tough, I feel I bleed too much to walk it through it again, I feel as if I lose my legs, I feel as if I lose my soul...

Again, I am asking God, please... I had enough of hard life.... please granted me one wish for happiness that I deserve, please God, cause I can't bare these any more... No MORE...I think I have used all my strength, courage and faith for all I got and I left with none.....

For you who reading, I will ask for your prayers, may my life will go smoothly after this, for those who never know me, I ask you to send your prayers to those who have similar hard life as me.. For those who know me and reading this.... I know you guys always pray for me...

my mind going around again

listening to a song from David Guetta & Chris Willis ft Fergie & LMFAO - Gettin' Over You and thinking about all the decision I have done so far.. I'm not regretting my decision either is good or bad things that has been happening around me.

I am happy, I know time will heal everything soon and I can't wait for those time to come because I feel really alone and I feel as if everything that I have tried to worked it out doesn't seem to work or perhaps can I just put the blame on fate?

I wish I could fly to the moon just like Frank Sinatra song, and sit down on the moon and see the world underneath me.. and just enjoy the beautiful world and universe that has been created for all of human kind.

LOVE

I am thinking about everything today, about how the world seems to me, the color of the world has change in the past few days..

The world seem green to me lately, no more blue and no more red..Green

Green is the color of peaceful, hope, and love perhaps..


but that is not love.... that is fear and living a life with a fear of hurting someone is impossible.. One way or another sometimes in life we tend to hurt someone feeling, either by rejecting it or objecting it.

My grandfather use to say, if we want to be happy, we got to tell how we feel, no matter what is the outcome, or how other feel about it because this is not their world... this is our one world, we create the color we want to create.. we make the world as beautiful as we like.. the color is in our hand, it is up to is to choose and put it in the canvas of our life..

Love does exist in my life, just like how I love Trisha, I love my friends and my dogs, so love is universal, the definition of love giving an impact to the world, if only war could end by a simple love, i believe we will be in the most peaceful place..

People who love does not hate, people who in love, looking things at the positive side of life, people who are in love will do wonders thing that, they themselves didn't know that they could.

thats why the color of my world has change today, it is no longer red which define anger, hatred, grudge, it is no longer blue, storm, rough sea.... its is green... a simple green leaf that just about to grow and I believe if I nurture it right it will be stronger than I could even imagine.. and for that I am going to go wherever the wind blow me and for once... I'm gonna let it be... and I believe I am so close to the road of safe after many broken road I have taken, after so much blood have been drop from my feet.. I have now found a peace within myself....

I might just found LOVE...

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for.