Tiring day

I never knew that running around for consistently does drain you mentally and physically and last weekend I was draining myself with chores at home as well outside. Plus with the bad traffic jam yesterday making it worst for me. But I know somehow I can manage this and I am going to manage all these stressed towards end of the month/year excellently.

My beloved B was admitted to hospital due to his knees, he fell in front of the house because of slippery floor at home and his operation was done on Monday, yesterday after a bloody hectic at office, I went and pick him up and stuck almost 2 hours at traffic jam with a boyfriend who don't talk much.

Have you ever come to situation where you feel so damn tired and hungry and exhausted and you feel like crying? I did yesterday after bathed B, I come down to eat but somehow my food seems tasteless and I couldn't move to grab my spoon because my legs are so damn tired. Now I know it is no easy to take care sick people, and I know one day I will be so damn sick and I will need someone to look after me.

The truth is I don't want to be sick and I dont want anyone to take care of me and I being such a baby over this. I know how other people felt and how long would there can hold on to me, after a while they going to feel sick of me and tehy going to leave. I will ensure that my condition will be great as long as I lived because being sick is not an option for me. Therefore I am going back to see my doctor and start my medication, I have too so things can be good for me and people who being with me.

I am afraid to trouble others, I am worried if one day I couldn't get off the bed, who can I ask for help... i wish that day never come and if it did appear one day, I want someone to pull the plug out because all my life living fighting, the day I cant fight anymore.. I dont want to live.