We are the master of our ship, we are the captain of our destiny

Recently I have been thinking about life, love and everything around me... I sometimes feeling deeply emotional about certain stage or phrase of life. I guess is normal to feel this way or sometimes you questioning the situation thoroughly so things wont become complicated. I am thinking intensely about thing surround me as well as for the relationship I am at.

I like John Lennon song call Imagine... I imagining life before this life and I imagine life after this life...

I am thinking too much again.....

my dream about to come to life

Lately I have been pretty excited, I have done some research for my book, I will be able to publish the first 1000 copies first than I can starts marketing it, 1 thing at the time, people said women can get everything the want if they focus one thing at one time and sucess is guranteed. So that is the direction I am heading too.

I get very easily annoyed lately, perhaps due to medication I am start taking. I kind of feeling edgy with myself lately. Its the hormone inbalance, at nite I am having problem to sleep, I dream something really scary lately.

I always having a nightmare, same nightmare over and over again.. a guy came and strangle me, and kill my girl and i hold him by his neck and jump over the building with him to let my girl live.. I dont know what it means...

I am excited because I am starting something big in my life, I had enough of working with people following their way, I want to do my own way of work and earned unlimited amount of cash..i want to not ever feel worry about money or a home for me and Trisha..

Happy New Year

2009 is the end of my 3 decade in life and I am starting everything in new chapter for 2010. I am looking forward to start travelling around, renovating my house, see the world I once dream off like Greece, Spain, America, Paris, Maldives, to take a cruise on Caribean island and went jungle tracking, or skiing and other world that God has create and live life to the fullest.

I have been making few steps in life by put everything I remember in my blog so one day If I so happen to loss my memory I can read all these things I wrote. if ever i can remember who I am anymore, at least somehow have read my blog and reminded me who I am...
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Nelson Mandela use to said " We are the Captain of our life, we are the key to a journey to our life" I want to make the best of my life now......

Tiring day

I never knew that running around for consistently does drain you mentally and physically and last weekend I was draining myself with chores at home as well outside. Plus with the bad traffic jam yesterday making it worst for me. But I know somehow I can manage this and I am going to manage all these stressed towards end of the month/year excellently.

My beloved B was admitted to hospital due to his knees, he fell in front of the house because of slippery floor at home and his operation was done on Monday, yesterday after a bloody hectic at office, I went and pick him up and stuck almost 2 hours at traffic jam with a boyfriend who don't talk much.

Have you ever come to situation where you feel so damn tired and hungry and exhausted and you feel like crying? I did yesterday after bathed B, I come down to eat but somehow my food seems tasteless and I couldn't move to grab my spoon because my legs are so damn tired. Now I know it is no easy to take care sick people, and I know one day I will be so damn sick and I will need someone to look after me.

The truth is I don't want to be sick and I dont want anyone to take care of me and I being such a baby over this. I know how other people felt and how long would there can hold on to me, after a while they going to feel sick of me and tehy going to leave. I will ensure that my condition will be great as long as I lived because being sick is not an option for me. Therefore I am going back to see my doctor and start my medication, I have too so things can be good for me and people who being with me.

I am afraid to trouble others, I am worried if one day I couldn't get off the bed, who can I ask for help... i wish that day never come and if it did appear one day, I want someone to pull the plug out because all my life living fighting, the day I cant fight anymore.. I dont want to live.

Mental Bondage

I have been told about a book that reveals the truth with title: Mental Bondage in the name of God. When I read the title I was amazed by it.

Mental Bondage have lots of meaning,.. It depends how we look at it, some people might find the title of it too revealing without even know the content of the book. Some people might find this book is so refreshing.Sometimes as a human we tend to have mental block, we either refused to know the truth or we are afraid of the truth.

For those who dare to know the truth checkout these blog and please read it as an open mind, I find it suitable for 2 kind of people for those who's looking for an answer or for those who believe what they been taught to belief:-

www.tudungitusyirik.blogspot.com
www/kaabahituberhala.blogspot.com
www.aididsafar.com

hohoho xmas coming..

Christmas coming soon this year, I have done decorating my xmas tree my 2 dogs, my daughter, and myself of course..

Of course this christmas I remember those who have left us to meet their creator, my good friend among one of them. I still vividly remember when we send him to gateway to another side, it was such a lovely day, I pass by the cemetery at Klang, I thought I saw an angel with big huge wings looking down at us, I know some people did tell me it could be my mind playing tricks but either its a trick or real, this angel look so beautiful and so peace at the same time. So many people attending his funeral, malay, chinese, Indian and all race was there. We all sang him his favorite song if tomorrow never come and it makes me wonder about death and our departure when the times come..

am I afraid of death?.. of course.. we all do because we had no idea what is waiting us the other side of the journey but for now I will try my level best to enjoy my life, to enjoy people around me.

Yesterday my daughter went for christmas shopping for orphanage kids, we were so happy to pick up all the present for them and in fact I bought twister game and when we reach at home after visiting my Godfather we start played the game. my daughter and I have a good laugh twisting our legs and hands and we giggle all nite. It was fun and it was an tiring of course with muscle cramp on my hands and legs..

At this moment, I am glad to not being sick, to not worries and stress of work.. I am glad to have support from my girl .. because she all I ever have. 16 years being leaving on my own, one day I hope I will have my own family, many children doesnt matter if is mine or not, decorating xmas tree and running around with big huge dogs... for that I would like to Thank God for all his gift and all his bless to me.. Thank you very much God....

Encouragement

Words of encouragement is something i loved to hear, especially when hope seems very tiny on the skies. Yesterday my daughter Trisha gave me a words of encouragement and for once I am so glad to hear those words from her.

She said to me "Mummy no amount of disease neither sickness will stop you or me from achieving what you really want and if "IT" didn't stop you, it wont stop me as well. Don't you worry mummy I can handle this just like you".

I am so relief hearing this from her and knowing she will be ok. Sometimes she can says the most brilliant thing at the right time and there's a time when she says really ridiculous thing at the wrong time. I am glad to know she is ok and she can take care of herself at age 13. She is the amazing things that ever happened to me.

My health not too good lately, I have been sick since 3 days ago due to work stress and life stress but I am so glad today is weekend so I can be with my beloved dogs,daughter and my B.

I have been visiting thebody.com and I send an email to Dave because I read about his life stories and I am amazed by his life story. To my surprise he response to my email and he also did read my story on my blog and he did give words of encouragements that fire up my spirit today to write. I am glad that I can shared my stories of life to the people who also need some lights in their life as much as me. Thank you Dave for your amazing email. I am so flattered with your compliment, I have never had such compliment before, perhaps I have never shared my blog to many people.

I am going to start writing again and hopefully this time I can finish what I have started... and hopefully Oprah might read my email that I sent to her yesterday...She is my big high dreams. I always had a dream to see Oprah in person and give her a big hug because she is like my God mother..