Tuesday, August 24, 2010


Today is my 5th day starting the anti viral medication, I am taking HIRAPHINE 200mg and TENVIR-EM 300mg.

I start taking because my CD4 counts drop to 146 and I believe either way I want to live longer so I have to start somewhere. Here I am sharing my side effect taking those medication:-

1-4 day - I was throwing up, I got serious stomach upset, serious dizziness and motion sickness.
5th day - I still feeling motion sickness and it SUCKS, I can't drive, move or even doing my daily routine.

I start with once a day first which I set a time between 9am, after 2 weeks I will start taking twice a day at the same time 9am and 9pm. My life now permanently depending on medication to live.

am I afraid? oh hell yes, I was afraid when I got admitted due to Thrush infection cause by CANDIDA virus and it got worst, I got scared when I saw this old lady suffering in hospital and she can't move and her family disowed her for the disease that she got...I was afraid of death, I was afraid people will be afraid to touch my body because of the disease I am carried. I am afraid for my future that is so uncertainty in many ways.

but I got better.. I got better because I want to fight this virus, I got better because I am aiming to be on the list of people that fighting for the right of human rights in my countries, I got better because I ready to let people know my status as HIV-POSITIVE. I got better because I don't want to die hopeless and hoping that they will find a cure, and that is what people since 1930 hoping for until now, there is still no CURE. I don't want to hope anymore.. I want to live and I want to fight. I am a fighter and I want to fight hard.

I know this mean it will be hard for me to get a job. I just quit my job due to discrimination in my office, and I am working in one of the biggest broadcast media in Malaysia, people so damn educated but so damn stupid and naive, they think I might infected them with the virus if I sneeze or share foods. I quit because I no longer see myself working for idiot so called "educated" and I want to fight the right cause. I want to let these people know that this HIV POSITIVE women they afraid of, going to fight hard. I want to create organisation of ACTIVTIS IN MALAYSIA, specially in KUALA LUMPUR for those white collar people with the sickness and create a career opportunity for them, because we are talented, smart, educated people, we do believe that just because we been infected by the disease doesn't mean we less valuable. We are more valuable then people who dont have the disease because we fight harder.

Yes of course, we do have ups and down of our sickness and sometimes we might get sick and got medical leave here and there, but that doesn't mean we want to be push away.

In my country people still skeptical to employee people with this sickness because they afraid, that is because they dont know well and they think they are invisible from it, no body invisible enough of it. When you got it, you can make the best out of it instead if complaining.

people afraid to date people with this sickness and they become hypocrites, they write and support about awareness of this predicament but yet they afraid and they fear..

have they ever think about people who have this sickness, have this people majority ask for it, maybe to some who injected drugs, or some who have unsafe sex, but what about women or even man who got raped, or been injected by this virus by those irresponsible people..

I want to fight so one day the women and the children who have the same sickness like me will not give up, they will stand up, they will get married and have kids like others because i want to inspire and encourage other that this is not the end of the world... Not Yet.. and the fight isn't over..

I am not giving up.. and this is my first update.