Thursday, October 29, 2009

Live and Death

We spend our lives chasing excellent grades, silky smooth skin, a wonderful family, a good job and a goose with golden eggs (duh...who wouldn't?). Don't get me wrong folks. That's all good. You gotta have goals in your life (accept for the goose, that's pretty far fetched).

But how many of us realize that all those things that we chase are nothing more than probabilities? Do we realize that nothing that we chase in our lives are certain? How many of us can tell with absolute confidence that they'll get good grades? If you think that you can, "BRAVO!"Ironically, there is one thing that is certain.

All of us are approaching it without even chasing it. Well, you don't need to. It is chasing you. Some want to run away from it. Some crave it. Some just don't give a damn (whoa...what's with the language dude?!).

That's DEATH! Surprised?'s not really a shocker. We all know that we will die some day. Just like our pets, the orchid in the garden, the tapeworm in your bowel, or even your Volvo (it's gonna be scrap metals one day right?).

sometimes the question not always about death.. but about rising up and get out from the comfort zone which most of us are... we afraid to speak our mind, we fear our boss will fired our ass if we do disagree with him.. but that is the point of life to disagree if u don't feel like there is a reason to agreed, to argue with your boyfriend when he think he point of view are the only important one, life is about stand up and stands out.. Never strike for good, strike for excellence than success will come

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Hospital in Malaysia

I am writing this not because I want to complain neither am I condemning the hospital, I am writing this because I feel so discriminated by the treatment by the nurses and the doctors at University Hospital.

I am HIV positive. I was admitted to the hospital due to stomach pain. I was sent to Univesity Hospital by ambulance because the hospital I went to earlier (private hospital) didn’t have any available beds, so the nurses suggested that I be sent to University Hospital instead. I reached the hospital around 5 pm and was placed in the emergency ward for close to 7-8 hours. I was left there waiting for my blood to be taken and also for an x-ray to identify if I had a serious abdominal condition which might require surgery.

While I was waiting for my blood to be taken, I heard the nurses giving remarks about my condition as a HIV patient. Needless to say, the nurses assumed that my disorientation due to injecting me with painkillers made it OK to make snide comments about my condition, right in front of me. Probably they thought that if I was 'high' enough, my understanding of the Malay language would go down the drain.

The doctor only attended to me around 10pm. What upset me the most is that when she came to examine me, she only asked about my history of as a HIV patient. All her questions were not relevant to my condition at that moment. Her questions were: How did i get HIV? Do I have multiple sex partners? Do I take drugs? Are these questions necessary to determine the cause of my abdominal pain? Those questions took me off guard because I was thinking, "Where’s the relevance between my predicament and my stomach pain?" Secondly, knowing that I have this disease has already affected my life, in addition to feeling discriminated and judged in their eyes is enough to tear me apart. First of all I have no idea how I got infected with HIV, I have never injected myself with drugs, neither have I had multiple sexual partners nor blood transfusions. I don’t want to think about how, when, and what because I have passed through that stage to moved forward with my life.

As a professional medical officer, I believe any discrimination towards HIV patients should NOT EXIST because we are as human as anyone else and they should be extra sensitive over this matter instead of being judgemental towards people with conditions like mine.

I believe as a country that has grown tremendously in many ways, stigma towards HIV should be minimised due to numerous awareness programmes that our government has implemented. We should be given equal rights especially when we are in need.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

New Family

Today as I were driving for lunch yesterday, I saw this billboard, very happy father kiss the rand it’s remind me how it feel to have a family in my life. Family does give huge impact in each of our life; they are the light and the darkness in us

I absolutely forgot how amazing to have your parents that always look after you or brother and sister that checking on you or help you out when you in trouble. There are those days when I wish I had my mom and my dad around, so whenever I feel down or I need clarification about anything I can go to them, there are those time during Hari Raya I will be crying the whole night thinking how nice to have families and help them cooking and preparing for Raya celebration and go shopping together. When every I look at my daughter I always tell myself I am her only family, I am her only father and I am her only mother, I am her aunt and I am her uncle and I am everything to her..

I have been on my own for 14 years now, I never have family that loves me or care about me. I always feel awkward having lots of people around me; perhaps I do not know how to react. Another 10 more days I will be 30 year old, it is so fast time has past in my life. So many things have happened to me since the day I left my house. When I’m alone I always have theses images playing in my head just like a DVD player. Over and over and over again

It has never been easy for me to grow up alone and I have always been very reserved.

Today as I look far behind me, I have my own family, I have my beloved daughter by my side.. . I have my two dogs with me I had nothing else to ask other than my health. I am happy at this moment to have another day or year to live to see how big my family will grow bigger..