Thursday, March 31, 2011

My past, present and future

Why is it hard to move on when you keep hold on to your past... I realize what I need to do in life from now on, to stop looking back and just move forward.. Everything surround me full of the past and I need the present to reveal by itself and work for my better future, I need to feel motivated to move forward but how could I? I just saw my 1st ex on FB and now he is married and I am glad that he married to the right women. However sometimes I feel so empty and so hollow inside.

Why do I feel this way? When everything around me will work wonders. Maybe I will grow older by myself. My daughter driving me mad about teenager rebellious, oh gosh I have so much weight on me and I don't know what to do. My memories in my brain kills me more and more I look at it. I feel hurt and feel sad and feel horrible.

I know this feeling just momentary and it will be gone as fast as the wind but this feeling killing me more and more all the time.

Monday, March 21, 2011

I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul

I often come across people complains about life.. and my answer will be .. REALLY? Is your life so hard? A normal complains range from boyfriend issues, money issues, family issues and the forgot to appreciate one thing in life.. to be able to breath air and still alive for another day without being DEATH, neither struggling with predicament that the higher above given for a test in life and the best thing is instead of appreciate life they complains.. .

I am so annoyed with this kind of attitude of people, or people that look down on other people just because they have higher status or higher position... Hello!! the world is not depending on status because KARMA does bite you back hard...

I also meet people that discriminate, like my meeting with MAC (Malaysian Aids Council) where this lady saying that the 1st line of medication for HIV+ people is not so good compare the 2nd line or 3rd line of medication, so are u saying people who poor, who only deserved 1st line medication, however people with high rank, higher position or title deserved 2 or 3rd line of medication? what crap is this? the country tried to prevent discrimination with people who living with HIV+ but people that working for this association doesn't apply this concept at all..

This is so disappointing as a victim of this disease I am actually being label, as the same with drug addict and prostitution, so just because I got raped that mean I deserved a crappy medication?? what on world happen to my country? where is the brainers of my people gone too?No wonder people start migrating to other country, just like my favorite author Aidid Safar.. he has left and no ones no where he is.. just because he told the truth..

So again.. I have to tell myself everyday.. I am the master of my fate and I am the captain of my soul.. Therefore this is my fight and I will fight for the better of my people..

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I am having a heartache

After 6 months and 10 days of my break up, I am facing so much challenge in life. I was crying last night thinking about my ex.Gosh.. How much I realize I love him but then again I also know they is no reason to stay anymore if we couldn't be together. We have different religion, different background and I am worried if I continue this relationship and what if after 10 years we didn't move anywhere it will break my heart into piece...

4 years with him has left so many memories that I will always cherish throughout our time together. I will always appreciate him the way he is and everything that he does for me.

I hope one day when I look back I know why I did what I did....

For all the memories that we have and we store in our mind. I will forever thankful to him. Thank you BRM for loving me everyday in my life and come into my small world. We are not meant to be together but perhaps one day we will...

I will always love you with all my heart and please do pray for my happiness..