Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Today I am trying to recover from whatever that been happening for the past few days. I know I have to pull myself out of this. Feeling like this doesnt help me improve anything in my life.

I know sometimes life is unpredictable, but it is not life that I am sad about, its the slow movement of my recovery that worries me, I need to step up of my game and get myself back, my daughter need me more than anything and for her I need to do what I need to.

My life right now been following the 12 hours clock, every 12 hours I have to take medicine to stay alive, I cant have shortage of medicine supply since the duration of my life fully depend on it...

Hopefully recovery come fast and someone save me from this depth of darkness I am facing right now...

Monday, April 11, 2011

im losing my mind

Beatles - Yesterday

OFF LATE... i feel I am losing my mind, I can't concentrate, I can't focus, my mind wandering around so much that I seriously think I'm losing it. I can't say that I am not fine. I am good and well.

Just the depression started with something small such as break -up then it goes to money problem, then it continues with more money problem and I am so scared that I will snap one day because of all the continues problem one after another.

Seriously?? do I really need this? Do I really need to hang on to past and not moving on. I can't.. I cannot hold on any longer.... I feel everyday I dream I kill myself.. of course its a guarantee tickets to hell..

I don't know what to do.. I don't know where to go...I hate everything that happens.. and I need to recover fast before I lost it and destroy my life and my daughter life.

Friday, April 1, 2011

it is not easy being a mother

Today I realize being a single mother to teenagers daughter is really a headache, my daughter threaten to run away. Reason being because I scold and beat her for not cleaning a room and being rude. Now am I wrong to teach her what she can do in liife? Am I wrong telling her to clean a room because it such a mess? Am I wrong trying to teach her be good and be a good daughter?

I don't know what to do anymore. I am stressing out about money and now I'm stressing out about life? What the fuck is that? The worst thing is I can't quit my "JOB" and being a mother is a permanent things in life. Gosh why is it now such a mess.. I'm going through depression and now my daughter want to run away? I really don't understand why this is happening again and again...

No one ever warned me about rage of teenager. I am coming to the lost mind... If anyone out there ever read this... I am so needed an advise how to manage a teenage daughter...