Tuesday, October 26, 2010

life as it is..

I remember my 31st Bday, when I decided to make a big decision, my decision was based on what I really feel.

Today 27th November 2010, I woke up early morning, realizing I made a big decision to walk out of a Big comfortable life, a comfortable love because I want to build it all over again. Am I afraid? YES I am very afraid, AM i regretting what I did, NO... NOT AT ALL.

You may not always end up where u thought you were going but you will always end up where you were meant to be... This is so true. I know few years down the road I will looked back and realize how far my journey.

This month of November is so challenging after broke up with my 4 years boyfriend, to car accident to losing my home, and my family that I build for 4 years, I feel as if I want to give up, I feel as I had no one around me, I wondering if this what God want my life to be, for the past 21 years, it has been tough, I feel I bleed too much to walk it through it again, I feel as if I lose my legs, I feel as if I lose my soul...

Again, I am asking God, please... I had enough of hard life.... please granted me one wish for happiness that I deserve, please God, cause I can't bare these any more... No MORE...I think I have used all my strength, courage and faith for all I got and I left with none.....

For you who reading, I will ask for your prayers, may my life will go smoothly after this, for those who never know me, I ask you to send your prayers to those who have similar hard life as me.. For those who know me and reading this.... I know you guys always pray for me...

Saturday, October 23, 2010

my mind going around again

listening to a song from David Guetta & Chris Willis ft Fergie & LMFAO - Gettin' Over You and thinking about all the decision I have done so far.. I'm not regretting my decision either is good or bad things that has been happening around me.

I am happy, I know time will heal everything soon and I can't wait for those time to come because I feel really alone and I feel as if everything that I have tried to worked it out doesn't seem to work or perhaps can I just put the blame on fate?

I wish I could fly to the moon just like Frank Sinatra song, and sit down on the moon and see the world underneath me.. and just enjoy the beautiful world and universe that has been created for all of human kind.

Friday, October 8, 2010


I am thinking about everything today, about how the world seems to me, the color of the world has change in the past few days..

The world seem green to me lately, no more blue and no more red..Green

Green is the color of peaceful, hope, and love perhaps..

but that is not love.... that is fear and living a life with a fear of hurting someone is impossible.. One way or another sometimes in life we tend to hurt someone feeling, either by rejecting it or objecting it.

My grandfather use to say, if we want to be happy, we got to tell how we feel, no matter what is the outcome, or how other feel about it because this is not their world... this is our one world, we create the color we want to create.. we make the world as beautiful as we like.. the color is in our hand, it is up to is to choose and put it in the canvas of our life..

Love does exist in my life, just like how I love Trisha, I love my friends and my dogs, so love is universal, the definition of love giving an impact to the world, if only war could end by a simple love, i believe we will be in the most peaceful place..

People who love does not hate, people who in love, looking things at the positive side of life, people who are in love will do wonders thing that, they themselves didn't know that they could.

thats why the color of my world has change today, it is no longer red which define anger, hatred, grudge, it is no longer blue, storm, rough sea.... its is green... a simple green leaf that just about to grow and I believe if I nurture it right it will be stronger than I could even imagine.. and for that I am going to go wherever the wind blow me and for once... I'm gonna let it be... and I believe I am so close to the road of safe after many broken road I have taken, after so much blood have been drop from my feet.. I have now found a peace within myself....

I might just found LOVE...

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for.