my heart ache

Today 21th January 2011, I accidentally bum into Bernard, and gosh how much I really missed him and he lost so much weight since the last time I meet him. When he rub my hair I felt as if he rub my heart too, my heart that almost recovered bleed one more time..

Gosh how hard is this... How can I forget him when he never done anything wrong to me ever other than being a good boyfriend, a good lover and good partner.. but then again how can we be together when our religion so different, when our personality crash totally the opposite of each other...

Dear God, please... I am begging you give me a courage to go through this, give me a strength so I can move on.. So I love my next partner unconditionally and he will not doubt me ever...

OMG im getting married..

I am having a cold feet right now knowing November just around the corner, and how important to me that I am getting to know my other half..but deep inside my heart I feel sligthly sad leaving the old memories that I have kept in my mind. How painful it is to have ur heart broken so many no of times. Many ppl tell me "are u sure this guy u about to marry is the one?" The truth is NO I don't know. I don't want to find "the one" it could take another 60 years of thinking u might find the right one.. What if u never find it? For me this is the most crazy idea I ever had in my mind for the longest year.. And yes I will make him the one, even though I know I need to heal myself first.. But I know this is sometimes I really want.

My ex keep on saying "find out what u really want", but having a family. My own kids is all I want in my life. Being a mother, succesful career person is what I really want... I want to be everything I can possibly be... I admit it all happened too fast, but are we God to determined all that? Do we really know people fate and life as if its on our hands..

So I don't give a damn what people said. For once I want to be happy without give a shit to what people think of me.. For tthose who's care.. I will say thank u.. For those who don't... I will still say thank u to whatever reason of u saying know. It is my life at all...